Thursday, June 30, 2005

Dr. Thomas C. Mapother IV, MA, PhD, PsyD, MD, DDS, DVM

He was born Thomas Cruise Mapother IV in Syracuse, New Jersey on the 3rd of July, 1962, to nomadic parents. His mother, Mary Lee Pfeiffer from Louisiana, had married Thomas Cruise Mapother III, an electronics engineer from the University of Kentucky, whose job with General Electric took them all over.

At one point there was so little money that Tom [ed. Note – our hero Tom IV] took a scholarship at the St Francis Seminary in Cincinnati where, for a year, he studied for the priesthood and, more importantly, ate properly. Eventually, Mary Lee married again; Jack South. There were more moves - indeed, by the age of 14, Tom had attended 15 different schools - but, eventually, they settled, Tom enrolling at Glen Ridge High School, New Jersey. From here, he went straight into acting.

At 18, he left Glen Ridge and moved to New York, supporting himself by working as a bus-boy, a porter in an apartment block and a table-cleaner at Mortimer's restaurant. In the evenings he took drama classes, auditioning for TV ads whenever possible. He looked good, he had that winning smile, but he was never hired. Casting directors always described him as "too intense". Feeding on hot dogs and rice, he lived, he now says "like an animal in the jungle".

As the only son in the family, he had grown up around women. Indeed, he remembers his sister Marian's friends coming round when he was just 6 or 7, sitting him up on the kitchen sink and using him for kissing practice. He says the first time he almost suffocated - but it was fun.

Of course, being the biggest movie star in the world, Cruise receives attention of another kind. He's had to sue people for claiming he's gay, one being "erotic wrestler" Chad Slater (AKA Kyle Bradford) who went so far as to claim he'd had an affair with Cruise which had ended his marriage to Kidman. June 2001 saw Cruise launch another $100 million suit against one Michael Davis who approached various news services claiming he had a video of Cruise in a homosexual relationship. Cruise often sues when he feels lies are being told and his reputation damaged. He gives all proceeds to charity - now taking a big percentage of his film's grosses (he made $75 million from M:I2), he hardly needs the money. He also gets gyp for his membership of the Church of Scientology, which he joined in 1990, despite his stated opinion that it's aided him enormously, and even helped clear up his dyslexia.


Wait. He didn’t go to graduate school? Didn’t graduate college? Didn’t graduate High School? Did he ever even get his GED? Take some college courses?

So as you can see, Tom Cruise knows what he’s talking about doesn’t he?

A couple of years ago, I was taking about 20 pills, twice a day. Sure, they were keeping my HIV in check, but they were ravaging my mind and body. I could barely walk. I had a hard time typing, cooking, mouse clicking, writing, washing, and cleaning. I couldn’t walk the dog. I couldn’t run. Sometimes, I couldn’t complete a thought, much less a sentence.

Certainly, Jumping Jacks were out of the question.

For a while there, I didn’t get off the couch. The physical limitations caused by the medications led to a deep, deep depression. The depression led to sleeping and crying. Lots of crying. For no reason whatsoever.

So, what Doctor Tom is saying is that I should and could have come out of that depression with some vitamins and exercise.

Can I hear a rousing BULLSHIT for that one?

It took MEDICATION. Two different kinds of medication.

Once the medications took affect, I could figure out WHY I was so depressed all the time. I was lucky. I got treated with the meds BEFORE it was so bad that I needed counseling, although that probably would have been a good idea, too.

I was depressed because I had a job that wasn’t worthy of me. I was depressed because I didn’t make enough money. I was depressed because I was relying on the promises of “people” in my life that never came true.

And I was depressed because the drugs I was on to fight my body’s own personal battle with HIV were attacking me in ways that I couldn’t have seen coming. Sure, the doctors warn you when they give them to you the first time, but that doesn’t mean anything then. Its only after the drugs start affecting your body that the different “side affects” start showing up. And they are different from person to person. Meaning… the side affects that you experience can be different than the side affects that I experience, even if we are on the same regimen.

So, please. Spare me, Doctor Tom. Either tell me which different doctoral programs you attended to give you the knowledge about depression, ADD, ADHD, and Post-Partum Depression (cause I’m fairly sure you can’t FATHER a child, much less carry one for nine months and give birth to one…) or just STFU.

And remind Katie (uhm… er… sorry, I mean KATE) that she can cure those mouth decorations with vitamins and exercise.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

He was born in Syracuse, New York. :)

10/27/2006 12:20 AM  

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