Tuesday, September 19, 2006


I am trying to figure this out. Stick with me for a minute.

I am a gay man. I am HIV+ (or have AIDS, depending on my blood work this week). I seroconverted after having sex. Unprotected sex.

I make no apologies for it. I am not asking for your sorrow. It happened. 13 years ago, the doctor told me. I accept it. Because of it, my life changed. I take pills. I cannot do certain things. I cannot go certain places.

Does the fact that I had sex -in and of itself- make it my fault?

I've never told you, gentle readers, who gave me this "bug". I know his name. I know other people he "gave" it to. I also know that he knew, at the time, that he was POZ, but did not tell me so.

I do not believe that it is on the same level as, say, an unwanted pregnancy. There are things you can physically do to make a "baby" go away. Plan B. RU486. Abortion. Adoption. Besides, pregnacy does not necessarily become a death sentence.

As of yet, there is no "cure" for HIV. Except him, of course.

Do people in this world say the same thing about Type II Diabetics? About people with Heart Disease? TB? Leprosy? Influenza? Stroke? I guess because they are not "contracted" by having sex, you get a pass. Oh, gods, what are we going to start thinking about women who are diagnosed with HPV now?

But because I had sex without using a rubber, I "got what I deserve". And I'm not talking about some right-wing-conservative-preacher type.

I read this tonight on a gay blog.


Blogger Tom said...

Haven't you heard? It's totally our fault and "the next generation" of uninfected gay men are what's important. Step aside, Mister.

9/19/2006 10:08 PM  
Blogger Six Shooter said...

Do smokers DESERVE to get lung cancer? No. Is it a possibility? Sure.

No one deserves to get sick. I'm on the fence with the death penalty, but I'm pretty sure an eye-for-an-eye equates to you kill someone, you get killed ... not you have sex, you get sick.

Fortunately, not everyone feels that way. You just need to surround yourself with the people who don't ... and fuck the rest.

So to speak.

9/21/2006 2:54 PM  
Anonymous MiKell said...

You are right of course, Tom.

Six: You'll notice that I did not mention lung cancer. There are TOO many people who would say that a smoker gets what he/she deserves if Lung Cancer takes a life.

Of course, I say: Dana Reeve.

I just wouldn't expect such judgement from a prominent gay blogger. I don't think I said I was a whore. I said I had sex with a person who did not inform me that he was POZ (and knew it). I accept my responsibility in converting. Hell, I don't even blame him.

That still does not make it "my own fault".

9/21/2006 7:05 PM  
Blogger Gina said...

Well said.

9/23/2006 9:28 AM  
Blogger Marc said...

You're right on here -- a lot of the stigma attached to HIV/AIDS is a result of society's continuing guilt and shame surrounding sex. I understand the efforts to educate people about safer sex and all, but in many ways some of the tactics have just served to reinforce those negative attitudes around sex. Sad that there are gay men who have internalized those attitudes without even realizing they are there.

9/26/2006 1:15 AM  
Blogger Sorted Lives said...

Ignorance at its best!! My first thought was to the innocent person on the interstate who dies because of a drunk driver. Is it their fault because they were on the road? Or a child whose parents are abusive, do THEY deserve to get beat? I think not.

We have come along way in the last 25 years with research, sadly, our ignorance to move away from sterotyping isn't as progressive.

9/26/2006 5:19 AM  

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