Tuesday, January 31, 2006

To predict what he says tonight....

... here I go.

I am the President of These United States... blah blah blah blah."

That's it. The end.

I'll be asleep by the time he get's that far.

Short, but funny

Another BBM spoof.

Oscar Nod...

My brother called me on my cell phone today.

He said "So... Brokeback Mountain was nominated for seven or eight Oscar nods today. But not for Best Score?"

I laughed my ass off. So did he.
(Actually it was, I know.)

Monday, January 30, 2006

Ahhhh....I love the changing of Seasons

Friday, January 27, 2006

I guess it doesn't matter...

... that I came out at work.

That's my story, and I'm sticking with it, anyway. Let me set the sceene.

This is a true story, m'kay?

The other day, one of the technicians (a Puerto Rican) and I were talking about a tool. I say that I have an "extra" of a new and improved version, and he can have it.

Flash forward two days.

I bring it in. Technician #2 (also a Puerto Rican) says "Uhm, how come you get one, and I don't?"

Technician #1, without missing a beat, says "Because I have Ten Inches." The room explodes with laughter. I blush and leave the room, muttering: "That is so wrong, on so many levels."

I truely was blushing. That never happens. Never.

But it proves that they don't care that I am a big ehfing homo. (Although when he said it, he probably wasn't really thinking.)

I laughed... I cried...

... I watched Oprah.

Actually, I didn't. I was at work.

But thanks to the Malcontent, I could have been.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Did you watch "Crumbs" tonight?

If so, did you catch the name of the guy that Fred Savage's character was chatting with online?


That's an inside joke if I ever saw one.

And he's a bit of a hottie, if you ask me.

Here's a better picture of my eldest girl...

... much better than the last time she let me near her with a camera.

Faye Dunaway on CSI tonight!!

She seems to be channeling the part of her most famous part.

I think I love her.

Yet another commercial...

...you will never see on your television.

Complete with out-takes. Pretty funny stuff.
(BTW, although there is no nudity in the "commercial", I don't know if I'd call it Safe For Work", exactly. Volume is needed and encouraged, though.)

Maybe I'll got to Mickey D's for lunch today.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

To prove I'm not a smarty-pants blogger...

... I am answering a meme from Spider. Yeah, yeah... I know. I don't like 'em (meme's). Whatever.

Here are the rules:
1. Grab the nearest book
2. Open the book to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences (#5,6,7) on your blog, along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it. Just grab what is closest. No cheating.

Really. I should have put up the bookshelf in this room by now, but I haven't.

"Where a person lives tells you a lot about her, not that I don't know a lot already," she added, and once again, they both giggled like teenagers.

"If you want to, you can come along," Brenda told me.

I shrugged and plopped into Daddy's chair and listen to them chat about other girls at the dorm, some of the events that were coming up at the college, and Brenda's achievements on the basketball team."

I used to go to bookstores. Now I buy shit like this in the grocery store, while I am shopping. There was a time when I would buy one of her books and have it read within 24 hours. Not so much any more. Maybe because she is dead.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I'm fine... really.

I just haven't had anything to say lately.

Work is going fine. I feel sorry for people who don't like their jobs. TheHusband is one of them. He hates doing the same thing day after day. I like it. I like order. Structure. Sure, things can vary, but still, that's the way things are when you work for someone else.

I've placed my order for the middle of next month. Have you?

Friday, January 20, 2006

The writers on Battlestar Gallactica...

... are homo's. My proof?

The President, extremely ill in her hospital bed addressing the men around her, said "Don't talk about me as if I'm not here."

It is yet another quote from a movie that makes me cry every time I see it.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Lunch meeting.

So there we are. All sitting around the conference table today, eating our lunches.

My supervisor.
The Office Salesman, "Joe".
The President of the Company (who is also a salesman).

The office salesman, "Joe", mentions that he has to have surgery on his knee and that he isn't sure how much good he is going to be afterwards. He was worried that he couldn't make as much money for the company (suck up) or for himself.

My supervisor says "I have a brother-in-law who had the same surgery. Afterwards, he was "reimbursed" by the government because he was unable to work as much as he had before, and so the government "picked up the slack" as far as his paycheck was concerned.

I spoke up.

I said "But the difference is that your Brother-In-Law probably worked for a living, and 'Joe' is a Salesman."

The room erupted in laughter as I got up to wash my dishes.

(maybe you had to be there)

If you like Dark Haired Irish Actors...

... and want to see them in their birthday suit, someone has a link.

I'd link to it myself, except I am already involved in one lawsuit, I don't need to be a part of another.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

From "Good As You"...

Word for word.
Let us be the first to commend this much-needed effort, as your humble scribe was just in London last week, and some cigarette smoking punk had the nerve to casually say to me, "Just enjoying a mid-afternoon fag," to which I immediately replied, "well I'm enjoying this lovely afternoon as well, smokey, but there's no reason to call me a fag, Britty McBritBrit." Just imagine my surprise when he had the audacity to shoot me a puzzled look and say, "No -- fag -- cigarette," causing me to yell at him, "YES -- a cigarette -- I see that -- gross -- DON'T CALL ME A FAG, funny talker!" He then totally showed his stupidity though, as he called me an "ugly American," which was so off-the mark, as I had been primping all morning and was actually looking quite hot, thank you very much. To make matters even worse (if you can imagine), I couldn't find Ranch dressing anywhere the whole time I was over there, and when I asked the common question, "What sort of fine dining establishment doesn't have Ranch dressing?" none of the waiters had the first clue. Stupid Britain.

"Britty McBritBrit". The boy cracks me up. Oh, and by "boy", I mean someone young enough to be my elder brother's son, of course. I'd marry him, if he and I weren't already, you know, betrothed. And living 1000 miles apart.

Got some spare time?

If you are a gay man of a certain age, I defy you to go to this site and not spend at least 30 minutes watching the different videos. If you don't, I promise to reimburse you for your entry fee.

I'm just kidding about the entry fee. There isn't one.

(Oh. And you straight people might like it too!)

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Been there... done that.

Well, except for the singing thing.

"Oh My God, we're in "Fame" right now!".

(Don't tell anyone. I actually liked this movie.)

Well, do you or don't you?

Use a washcloth, that is.

If you don't, you are a dirty, dirty person. And I want you to visit me.

I'm kidding of course. Go take a shower- I'll loan you the washcloth.

Funny, I thought I was the only one...

I've mentioned these freaks before, and everyone of the GayLeft side of life is always quick to agree with me.

How about when we are talking about someone from "their" side of the aisle?

Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

Actually, the answer is yes, but few and far between.

Last Night's Golden Globes.

The Malcontent was live-blogging also.

His post is shorter, if not snarkier. It's worth a read.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Live Blogging the Golden Globes...

... as long as I can stand it, anyway. I'll keep updating.

8:03: Why are we watching rebroadcasts of interviews that we just saw in the last hour?

8:05: The theme song, re-written, is awful.

8:06: Queen Latifa shows what Big Girls should look like in a dress. Gina Davis (love her!) should take note.

8:09: George Clooney gets the first award for Best Supporting Actor in a movie. I liked him better back in the days of "Facts of Life". The Jack Abramoff jokes are a bit much (unless you live life in Hollywierd, I guess).

8:11: Brokeback Mountain loses it's first award of the night. Sorry Michelle, at least you got a baby out of the deal.

8:19: Best Actress in a TV Comedy: Sandra Oh. Actually, I like this show, and her character on it. Didn't she win last year, for something, too?

8:23: Commercial again? No wonder these stupid shows go overtime - everytime.

(Commercial Break - I see you on here, whomever you are... it's okay to speak up)

8:27: Drew has put on some weight. And, Girl!, do something about those Fuller Brushes you have over your eyes.

8:29: The obligitory parade of accountants? (Nope.)

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama: Rooting for Gina. Whooo hooooo! But, we should talk to her about that dress.

Sidenote: I was calling bullshit on her acceptance speech, before she admitted it.

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama: Ah... who? The Joke-speech was nice, if I had ever heard of him, or his show, or, even knew what channel it was on.

8:39: Yet another commercial.

8:43: Melanie's skin is a bit loose. Isn't it? And that tatoo is too much.

8:45: Best Miniseries for TV: I don't care. Don't see any of them.

Really, who the fuck is the "Hollywood Foriegn Press", anyway?

Best actor in a TV Comedy Series: Steve Carrell for The Office. Am I the only one if the country who doesn't watch this show?

8:54: And yet again, another commercial. I don't think I'll make it until 11:00 PM (or 11:30 for that matter).

8:57: Tim Robbins is a hottie. I don't care that his politics are completely oposite of mine.

8:59: Best Actress in Something or Other: Reese Witherspoon for "Walk the Line". I like her, but her husband, I like better.

Chris Rock. Oi Vey.

9:03: Best Actress in a TV Comedy: Mary Louis Parker for Weeds. I'm okay with that, though I've never seen it. I still remember her from Fried Green Tomatoes. Which are yummy, BTW.

Yet another commercial. Good thing. I gotta pee.

9:10: I love Emma Thompson.

9:13: Best Actor in a mini-series or TV movie: Again, I don't see them, so I don't really care. -Jonatha Rhys-Meyers is a cutie, though. And I love the accent.

9:15: Best Actress in a TV Movie or mini-series: Again, Don't Care. How do you pronounce her name? And who did her make up?

Cue the music. Please.

Is Mooriah Carey up for an award, or is she going to sing? Either way, I'll leave the room. I swear.

9:26: Best Screenplay, Motion Picture. Don't care. Except for the "Brokeback Mountain" nom. Which wins. Could the Theme Music be any more boring. Also, Girl... don't try to squeeze through so many chairs when you have a fat ass. And please, don't try to cry when you are reading your acceptance speech.

As a writer, thanking your typewriter is a good thing.

9:30: Didn't we just come back from a commercial?

I'm not sure that skipping watching "All My Children" on Soapnet was a good idea.

9:34: Best TV Musical or Comedy: Desperate Housewives. Good for them. I was worried at the beginning of this season. But it's gotten better.

9:38: Penelope Cruise. What the hell is she saying?

9:39: Best Foreign Language Film: Does anyone watch these? (Speaking of "Does anyone understand her...)

9:42: And yet, another commercial.

9:46: Catherine D (whatever). Stop with the barely speaking English Actors. Please.

9:47: Best Original Score. Don't care. Really, does anyone?-- "Memoirs" wins. I'm okay with that. I'll rent it when it comes out. I love all things Japan.

9:48: Best Original Song, Motion Picture: I'll forget it's Mooriah. Brokeback Mountain wins. Whatever. I'm sure even this one will be important to the homosexualists.

9:50: Another commercial. Really, at 10:00, I'm stopping.

9:56: Anthony Hopkins: My favorite movie with him was with Emma Thompson in The Remains of the Day. Love it. I've seen it at least 10 times. I had no idea it was him in "The Elephant Man". Really.

Don't cut him off. Don't cut him off. Don't cut him off... Don't cut him off.

Good, they didn't.

10:07: Another commercial. I need to eat dinner.

10:15: Best Director of a Motion Picture. Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain. WTF is he saying?

John Travolta thanks actors. How nice.

10:17: Best Actor in a Motion Picture or Comedy or Musical: Juaquin Phoenix. His brother would be so proud, had he lived, of course.

10:20: And again, another commercial. It's gotta stop soon, right?

10:24: Tim McGraw. Don't care what he says. Drooling.

10:25: Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy: Winner: Walk the Line. This was a musical? Why, because they sang?

10:30: Commercial time again. Is Juaquin standing there with his boyfriend? Enquiring minds want to know.

I said I'd be out of here at 10:00, but here I am. Promise - I'm done at 11:00.

10:34: You need gay people.

10:35: Best TV Series, Drama: ... praying for Gina Davis' show....

Winner is... Lost. Whatever. Is that show still on? I stopped watching 1/2 way through the first season. It wasn't going anywhere. get it?

-- got your message Beth. Thanks.

10:39: Brokeback Mountain rhimes with "Chick flick"? uhm... how?

10:41: Best Actress, Motion Picture Drama: Felicity Huffman. You Go Girl. I'll have to watch the movie, when it comes out on DVD, of course.

10:43: Commercial time.

10:48: Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama: Philip Seymore Hoffman, for Capote. Heath is a loser, but not in my heart. I remember Ten Things I Hate About You. Yummy.

Another commercial. I guess they will be ending on time. There should only be one award left. Best Motion Picture. Care to guess the winner?

10:55: Best Motion Picture: Brokeback Mountain. Surprise, surprise. I guess I will rent it when it is out on DVD.


That's it. I'm done and I'm going to bed. (This post about wore me out)

Sunday, January 15, 2006

1 year Blogiversary

Today, one year ago, I started this blog/journal.

Thanks to all of you for stopping by.

Friday, January 13, 2006

97% Improvement seems like a good idea...

... so why not? My birthday is coming up. Anyone want to buy it for me?

Watch the video.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

I miss Howard...

... Here in Orlando. But, thanks to The Malcontent, I can still hear the best of him.

"Well... hey... Shit happens."

I'm sorry I missed the "reveal".

I gotta stop dying my hair...

... because this is the Best Blonde Joke, ever.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

"Interview with the Blogger" from Spider

His questions... my answers.

1) "I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump." - OK, can you give a little more explanation? Is his being a speed bump effecting your partnership?

Mikell - No, not really. That line was stolen from some other website I read about two years ago. I thought it was funny. I change those little tag lines every so often, as mentioned here. Sure, there might be some truth to it, but really, I've gotten used to our little (non-exciting) life after the last 13.5 years. I don't mind it. I'm already working on a new tag line, stolen from someone who commented recently.

2) I know that you were in the Service, when was that? Did you see combat? What is your most cherished moment from serving?

Mikell -
I was in the Air Force from August 1984 to March 1990. I spent Basic training in San Antonio, Tech School in Champaign Illinois, my first duty station was at Robins AFB, in Warner Robins, GA, and my final duty station was on Kadena AB, Okinawa, Japan. During that time, I went TDY (that's: "Temporary Duty Yonder") to Mainland Japan, the Philippians, Guam, Shemya Alaska, and Hokaido, Japan. There was no "combat" during that time, although I received many "awards", including a ribbon for serving during "The Cold War". Most Cherished Moment - (I'm going to get in trouble for this...) I met the love of my life during this time.

3) "How Does One Deal" - tell us, how do YOU deal with life on a day to day basis and which is harder for you to deal with, the big, major problems in life or the silly little ones that crop up all the time? And in this, you HAVE to explain your adversity to memes and passing them on!

Mikell - As cliche as this is, I deal one day at a time. Honestly, this blog/journal has turned into a completely different thing than I expected it to. I thought for sure (when I started last year) that I would not make it to the end of 2005. I was pretty sick. And, truthfully, I didn't really care.

Big major problems? Please, compare what most people consider "big major problems" to "I have a terminal disease that I can pass on to someone by letting them suck my dick." I tend to make the little shit a big thing. As witnessed by my OVERREACTION to getting a good review and an eight-fucking-percent-raise. Stupid-ass-living-in-my-own-freaking-world-that I am, I thought it was a bad thing. Then I got over myself. And it worked out in the best way possible. To be honest, things do not normally work out that way for me.

Aversion to the Meme: Simply that I am too disappointed when someone I tag doesn't answer it. It sends me into depression that I'd rather not share.

4) Best year?

Mikell: Good question. I very much enjoyed my time in the Air Force, while stationed on Okinawa. So it would be a toss up between 1987, 1988, and 1989.

5) What is your biggest fear in life, and what is your personal strength you have that makes you feel you can conquer it?

I think I answered this for you before, and the answer remains the same. That I will be alone. I don't think I can be more specific on this issue, except to say that if I were going through this bullshit with out TheHusband nagging me all the way, I probably wouldn't bother. He would be my "personal strength".

Monday, January 09, 2006

What to do... what to do...?

I may have mentioned. Next month is my birthday.

I am child number 4 of 5. For each 40th birthday of my elder siblings, there has always been a surprise party. For some reason, there is doubt that there will be any "surprise" for mine. Go figure.

Anyhoo... my eldest brother called last month and suggested that we all meet in Vegas for mine. They have the opportunity to get enough Timeshares to cover our hotel stays, and it might be fun.

I said... Isn't it cold in Vegas in February? Of course, compared to Orlando, it is, but three of the four of my siblings live in Washington State, so to them - heatwave. Anyway, I told him I'd talk to TheHusband about it and get back to him. A few minutes later he called back.

He reminded me that my eldest sister's husband is pretty sick. (Between you and me, he is deadly sick...) and he probably wouldn't be able to travel to Vegas. Which means my elder sister wouldn't go, probably. What if he sent me and TheHusband tickets to come home for my birthday?

What I said: "Are you crazy? I was complaining that Las Vegas might be too cold for me, and you want me to visit the mountains north of Seattle, instead?"

What I was thinking: "Are you crazy? It took me 18 years to get out of that podunk-backwards-little cow town, why the hell would I want to spend my 40th birthday (much less ANY birthday) in that god awful place?"

So tonight he calls up again.

The guilt was so much, I accused him of being a Jewish Mother. He is neither, of course.

Thank goodness, he fights back...

I am SOOOOOOO tired of the gay-left's "our way or the highway" bullshit stuff that so many of us have decided that we must believe is the gospel.

To wit:

Gene Shalit, movie critic of the Today Show, and his personal view of the movie "Brokeback Mountain". I haven't seen the movie, nor have I read (or watched) the review that this critic has written.

But HRCF (whoops sorry, they dropped the "f") saw/read it. And they went off. So did many a gay blogger listed at Queerfilter.

"How could he say that the character of Jack was a predator?" they asked. "He has a gay son!", they said.

Did any of them ask his son what he thought?

The answer is: No.

People please. Stop reading any critics review of a movie. Go see it for yourselves and make your own decisions.

Someone got a new look...

... and I'm not sure about it yet.

I'm such a stickler for the staus quo. She had a site, that I enjoyed reading, then she stopped bloggin there and created a whole new space.

It took me while, but I got used to it.

I will again, I'm sure.

I just wish she'd let me comment, again. There is so much I wanna say.


CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! (Endless pontifications on the subject at hand)


I WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER... (nothing more to say here... I'd hope that was enough.)

The sad part: These comments would have been just days apart.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Ah... sweet memories....

... just like I remember them.

Only I'm older. It was only six weeks.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

My Neighborhood bar is moving...

Friday, January 06, 2006

Uhm... yeah. It's cold.


Stop already.

The flurgan temperature has fallen below the 50 degree mark.

Does that have to mean we have to watch yet another story on the local news about how the local Boston Fern growers are suffering?

Really. If they show it, it must be January.

I know, I was supposed to be watching...

... "The Book of Daniel", like a good homo.

Sorry. I couldn't.

I had to watch the season premier of Battlestar Galactica. It isn't the same campy show I watched as a child.

Richard Hatch never looked like this:

TheHusband was in the other room, and he watched "The Book of Daniel." He said it was very good. That's high praise from someone who would rather watch TVLand than anything current.

"Grab your dick and double click..."

for Porn... Porn.... Porn.

It's funny, because it's true.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Please, people. Would Pat Robertson ...

...and his ilk please just go away already.

Robertson says Sharon's stroke is God's punishment

The Reverend Pat Robertson says Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's massive stroke could be God's punishment for giving up Israeli territory.

The founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network told viewers of "The 700 Club" that Sharon was "dividing God's land," even though the Bible says doing so invites "God's enmity."

Robertson added, "I would say woe to any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course."

He noted that former Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin was assassinated.

Robertson said God's message is, "This land belongs to me. You'd better leave it alone."

So. Uhm... God only "owns" land in Israel? Who knew?

Related: Whatever, Freak

So, it's the silly homosexualists that are trying...

... to ruin "marriage".


Good thing Pat Robertson hasn't seen this post.

(Surprise for Spider, it's right here in Orlando's north forty.)

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I know... I know...

I'm a gay-white-male-who-is-about-to-turn-forty, so I'm supposed to tow the Democratic party line and only vote for Gore, Kerry, or someone named Clinton.

Sorry kids. It just ain't gonna happen.

For the record (and I'm sure I've mentioned it before), I did not vote for our current President, either time. Also, for the record, I am a registered Republican, and always have been. Probably because of my military background. But, unlike most people (it seems), I vote for a candidate, not a party. I just happen to believe in more of the Republican platform than the Democratic one.

Does that mean that I don't believe in the right of me and TheHusband to marry each other? I'd have to give that a resounding "no".

But it does mean that I believe that abortion is wrong. I believe that a woman's body is her own, and she should be able to decide what to do with it. Further, though, if I were the "potential" father, it should be within my rights to force "her" to have the child. Once "said" child is born, she can either decide to have a relationship with it or not, as long as I am willing to accept all the responsibility for the child. If I am not, than she should be able to decide for herself (with my input).

Having said that, I have paid for a woman to have an abortion. It's true. It's what she wanted, what she needed, and what she believed was best for the child. Sort of. Just so's you know, it was not my child, but she was my friend. I do not judge my friends. They just are.

The reason for my post? (And BTW, I am quite cognizant of the fact that whenever I post anything remotely political here that the comments dwindle...) is because I ran across a little graphic over the weekend. Here it is.

I haven't fact-checked any of the figures, but it doesn't matter. The point is the same.

Shut up about this stupid non-declared war. If you've never volunteered your service, as most (Viet Nam is an exception) of these men/women have, just STFU.

It could have easily have been me, and yes, I would have gone. Without question.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

It IS what's for dinner, you know...

Really, it is.

Oh. Lordy.

I saw this picture on the (oh so gay) web...

.. and was confused.

People, this is definately in the NSFW catagory.

The man is standing up, in the nude, with a raging hard on turgid member.

The poster felt the need to cover up the fact that the "model" was flipping the bird.

What kinda crap is this? You'll have to scroll all the way down.

Monday, January 02, 2006

I don't care about...

...that silly teenager who has WAY too much time on his hands and WAY too much access to money provided by his parents.

I'm a fag.

I want to know more about his older brothers.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

First Post

... of the New Year.

I feel much better, not sick at all, thank goodness.

Hope your night(s) went well. Actually, I am better off staying at home on a night like New Years Eve. We've stayed home for the last few years, just another night. And I'm okay with that.

We spent much of yesterday, lots of last night, and quite a bit of today watching the Twilight Zone marathon on the SciFi channel. We've played the "who can name the star" game. It's amazing how many "future" stars were on that show.